NEW
ITEM!
★ ★ ★
★ Now Available ★
Ken
Doll
Crooked Edition
The action figure with a secret Uber account, a hidden affair, and a real estate empire he can't explain on a government salary. Now with more lies included.
Official Ad
★ Official Edition ★
Ken Doll
Crooked Edition
$0.00
Funded by Your Taxpayer Dollars
Features
- "Dave P." Uber account (for sneaking around)
- Burner phone (for the girlfriend he tried to hide)
- Keys to 11 properties he can't afford on his salary
- Mortgage paperwork he lied on (x4)
- "Blind" trust his wife texted the trustee about
- Homestead exemption he wasn't entitled to
What's in the Box
Included
Accessories
New Identity Unlocked on Uber as Dave P.
For sneaking around on a government salary
Lawyer Briefcase
Including Laura Olson's "employment" contract
Burner Phone (For Dave P.)
Ask about bulk pricing for extra mistresses
Keys to 11 Properties
Government salary NOT included. Explanation NOT available.
Insider Rolodex with Tony Buzbee's Number
Acquittals starting at $2,250/hr. Billed to taxpayers.
Emergency Excuse Generator
Includes mortgage fraud denial script pre-loaded and ready to copy... 4x
$7M in Oops Money (To the Left)
Signed, Sealed, Never read
"Blind" Trust Debit Card
Ex-wife has the password
One Montblanc Pen
"Borrowed" at the courthouse. Returned only after getting caught on camera.
Deluxe Expansion Packs
Meet the Kens
Dave P Ken
Comes with a double life, a burner phone, and a Nate Paul donor card because when your donor hires your mistress, the least you can do is kill his FBI investigation.
Learn More
Kentucky Derby Ken
Bonus mistress included. Also comes with taxpayer-funded security detail, because even secret getaways deserve an entourage on your dime.
Learn More
Mortgage Fraud Ken
Now includes four "primary residences." Eleven properties total. Impressive, considering there's only one of him and none of the four were actually what he claimed.
Learn More
Oklahoma Ken
Comes with a $1.28M Oklahoma resort, a VRBO listing that went up before the mortgage ink dried, a luxury robe, and a cowboy hat. Ethics sold separately.
Learn More
Hawaii Ken
Includes a luxury island property he can’t explain, mystery income, dodged taxes, and a broken calculator that can’t back the numbers.
Learn More
Florida Ken
Comes with multiple vacation homes, luxury toys, and cash that never slows down despite being on a government salary...
Learn More
Clueless Ken
Comes with $7M in leftist grant checks, a pride flag, and a prescription causing memory loss. Refills covered.
Learn More
Soft on Crime Ken
Comes with a get-out-of-jail-free card for a child sex trafficker, zero prison time, and a bail bond for the predator he cut loose.
Learn More
Oligarch Ken
Comes with shady links to Albanian oligarchs, reassigned hotel rooms meant for state business, and a steady stream of “work trips” to Eastern Europe that raise more questions than answers.
Learn More
Commie Ken
Comes with an all-expenses-paid China trip, CCP access pass, and new communist policies.
Learn More